Color of the sky: a gendered space
Andhera.
Andhera ho gaya abhi bahaar mat jaao.
Raat hogai hai akele Kaise jaaogi?
Raat me ghoomna safe nai hai.
Tumhe kitni baar bola hai suraj dhalne se pehale ghar aa jaaya karo.
We all have come across these phrases. We all have grown up listening to these phrases, told by our father, brother, and once you are in a relationship or get married your boyfriends and husband tell you the same thing. For girls and women, it’s like a never-ending song (you like it or not but you have to hear it). No matter how old we get.
But why? Who made these rules? People say this is how it has been going on for centuries. Our elders made these rules. And they made these rules to keep women safe. Elders made it? Or MEN made it? Did they really make these rules to keep women safe or to just keep control of them?
Okay for a second I will accept that it is not right for a woman to go out during the night time. But this is what women have been doing for so long. Did it make any difference? Are they really safe inside their houses? I don’t think this RULE has proven that women are safe if they don’t go out in dark. Whether it is dark or light women face problems. So, instead, why not tell men to stay in during night time. But no, how can men stay in? They are supposed to roam around, party, and have fun during the night. It’s their right. Men are lafanga. This is what men describe as themselves. Men want us to be safe from men. How ironic?
Are women not capable enough to take care of themselves? Why do we always need a man to take care of? Why do we have to be dependent on them for small little things? Even if I want something basic as a chips packet at night I need to depend on my brother or father. But why?
Why do we have different in and out times in hostels/PG for boys and girls? Why only girls have to be answerable to the warden when they come late? No one asks boys any questions.
How easily we judge, give labels to a girl who comes home late. A girl’s character is judged by the color of the sky. Do you see any logic, science behind it? Please if there is any then let me also know. I would love to know.
Parties have always been a struggle for so many girls. They lie to their parents to go to parties. Because if they asked for permission all they would hear is “achi ladkiyaan raat me party me nai jaati”. Can just a day and night tell whether a girl is “Sanskaari” or not?
A working woman who has a late-night shift immediately comes under the character scanner. What type of girl is she? What type of work does she really do at night? Who does she hang out with?
Why does this become so questionable? We never ask men about their night shifts. We treat their work as work so why not for women?
From childhood, I have been listening “andhera hone se pehale ghar aa jaana”. I never really questioned anyone but once I realized why I’m the only one being told and not my brother, I asked my father why? He simply had no answer. Did I miss so many fun evenings with my friends just because of this silly rule made by society?
All my friends used to blame me for spoiling their outings? Why do you always have to leave so early? It’s better that you don’t come next time. It might sound stupid that all I care is about the fun evenings that I missed with my friends. Yes, I do care because it was an important part of my life as growing up. Those days were meant to be fun and not bound by restrictions. As soon as the sky used to change black from the blue my mobile started ringing. Where are you? Come back home immediately. Was this fair? NO. But I accepted that this how it will work. Today I Am 24 years old and to date, I have to listen to this. But maybe not when I’m in Bangalore, living alone and there is no one to tell me all this, Sure, it feels good but that doesn’t mean I can go out whenever I want because deep down I know it’s not safe and like it or not this is the sad reality.
How weird it is that a sky color — light or dark decides whether it is the right time for a girl or a woman to go out?
